Friday, March 29, 2013

Part IV. Inebriated Grandeur at the Ometepe Beer Mile

I must of been a little buzzed when I drew this?
February 11th 2013
That night there was a press event back on the mainland where the elites were being introduced to the national media.
Josue asked us if we wanted to get on T.V.? 
Doing so meant leaving the island for a day so we declined.
(had we known there was free beer and Tona Girls maybe we would come to a different decision)

The next morning we packed out gear and moved to our new home
 new home?
It looks like we have been here for years
Although when we went to move in  Indio Veijo.  Osagi went from cook to plummer and was hard at work fixing out sink and toilet.
  We had nowhere to store our gear so we stuck around till Osagi was done.
Sitting on the throne of the restaurant I attempted to read this poem
Unfortunately I kept trying to grasp it all at once rather than word by word.
Did I mention there were chained up monkeys in the back yard of the hostel  It was both kind of cool and pretty lame.
They were fun to watch but why were they here?
This drawing was sitting out back to explain the situation. I'd like to believe it was true but honestly it didn't look like there was anything wrong with these animals? They seemed more like pets to me.

 Tyler and I decided to hike to some sandy peninsula we saw when saw from the ferry when we arrived on the island.  There was no direct path along the beach so what  was only about 3 or 4 miles away on the coast became  about 6 or 7 mile walk through the inland..
We played some horrendous frisbee for awhile (the wind howling and the disc would go flying 100 feet out to sea)
After picking up a couple Tonas from a shack that looked like it was about to fall over.
 We found an old school teeter totter to screw around on (I wonder why they don't have these in the states anymore?)
"You Bastard!" I screamed my in best falsetto voice as Tyler smashed my nuts with tiny medal seat I was sitting on  "Pay back's a bitch dude!" I chuckled under my breath
"WHAM"  Getting lifted off the ground nuts first is not fun

In case you don't realize what kind of juvenile idiots we are by now I think pretty much sums it up.  You gotta do what you gotta do to get the ratings right?
Tyler's nuts had swollen so big he had to drink his beer upside down to decrease the swelling.
Enough Shenanigans "Hey Tyler I know a short cut back Moyaglapa."
"Sure Whatever dude."
It may have cut the distance in half but trudging through thigh high water and ankle deep mud is hard work. But what the hell I probably should get some exercise while I'm here. 
Hey, how'd they find out about my shortcut?
Eventually we made it back to land.
Without the resistance of the water we started moving like a couple wild stallions.
"Party time Excellent"
That night we were joined by two of traveling buddies for the the rest of the month
Jess and Dawn
On the plus side we had a couple of cool ladies to hang out with, but we had to put our game of fart baseball on hold.
Jess doesn't drink a whole lot and says some amazing things when she is drunk.  In tribute I decided I will right her autobiography.  "Only when I'm drunk, the Jess Soco story."  Catchy tittle huh?

 We decided the next morning to go rent some scooters from Slowpoke Rodriguez
I wanted a motorcycle because the the scooter can only take you where the roads were paved but scooters are what they had so that's what we got.

It was fun while it lasted?  After riding for about 15 mins we hit a police check point? (something that is very rare) it turns out our scooters were not registered for 2013 and we were sent back to town.  By then I had already gotten my scooter fix and were able to bet our money back. 
"How bout a hike a hike instead?"
Did you know Elephants grew on trees?
 See Jess swing
See Jess fall
During our hike we made friends with some Locals
I love Cemeteries
the official sandal of Zombie Apocalypse  
Cemeteries would be a lot cooler if they served beer!
And if they pool as well they would be as cool as this place
Here we ran into a few more runners and a few more beers.
Tyler was getting anxious for the upcoming race.  Perhaps we should organize some sort of pre-race event.
Can you guess what I have in mind?
That night we planned out a beer mile for the following day at 4 P.M. 
  Since Tona was a sponsor of Fuego Y Agua maybe we could get the beer for free? 
(What better way to spend Valentines day than combining 2 things that I love, Running and Beer?)
Who was our race director?
Ian Sherman The dude who holds the record for the fastest 100 miles ever ran on a trail (and he's about a 2:30 marathoner).  Not only can this dude run, He can drink and he proved  to me late into the night polishing litre after litre of Tona.

But can he drink and run?

I put the word out on facebook and was eager to see who would show up?

Febuary14th 2013
 Up bright earlier the next morning a group of us assembled to pick up trash around the Island. 
That's not trash?
Is it just me or does everyone sing this song when the pick up trash?

First you stick a rag, put it in the bag, bump-bump, 
Then you bend your back, put it in the sack, bump-bump, 
That's the way it's done - it's a lot of fun, bump-bump, 
Cuttin' capers, puttin' papers in the bag.
If your near me and I'm singing this song,  you sure as heck are gonna get a 
"bump bump"

It is 4 P.M. yet?
After  nice lunch including fresh  Pina Colada's and beer we headed over to the the Elite hotel.  To see who was coming to race.  There I saw Dave James with a beer in hand figuring he was getting ready for challenge but
he said he couldn't because he just had lunch?
(I still like the guy but he instantly lost all his street cred)

On the Plus side the Coury Bros were both in and so was The 5th dude in our traveling crew Sean Meissner plus a few other top notch runners  out couple brave Survival racers.
Normally when you have a beer mile you drink from a can.  (it's much faster) But since we hoping for free Tona's (didn't happen) I had thought we were all gonna do bottles for the race?
It turned out to be a pretty foolish assumption on my part and would maybe cost me my chance at the win?
Well about 20 or so people decided race, (one of them even ran barefoot).  I didn't feel especially fast heading into the race but I felt like I was clearly  the favorite to win. 
(but Could I live up to my Drunken Ego) 
 We lined up at the starting line for the100km popped open our first beer and then would run 1/8th of a mile and back before beer #2 ETC..
Beer number 1 is usually my slowest I got it down in 10 seconds even slower than I expected and took off running.  I though Ian would be right on my ass or in front of me but I was wrong.  I was the first person off and running 
But I was only a second or two in front of Tyler and the rest of the pack

At the turn around this dude Alex ( a highly skilled runner) was right on my ass followed by both of the Coury Brothers and then Tyler.  Now seeing Tyler didn't surprise me but the Coury Bros?  I didn't know them to be good drinkers but they were holding their own so far?
When I finished the first lap  and started beer number 2 I could have sworn I saw Ian and Sean still drinking their  first beer.  
No time to socialize I was here to win! Beer number 2 went down a little faster as I felt pressured of the competition that was less than 10 seconds behind.  

On the way out for lap 2 I got stuck in traffic behind a bus, we were running on a somewhat busy street I was moving faster than any car but slower than a motorcycle. It added a bit of intrigue to the event. Now at the turn around on the second lap I had doubled but I was still in range of being caught by Alex if I didn't maintain a steady pace.  I had found a groove, was staying within myself and was enjoying a nice barefoot trot.

Nick Coury puked on beer two and would have to do a penalty lap while his brother Jamil slowed down his drinking to avoid the same fate?

 When  I started  beer 3 I had a 30 second lead and I switched over from "Tona" to a darker "Victoria" beer.  I could taste the difference but it went down just as fast.  I was getting frustrated with the bottles since they don't have a straight slope this,creates  more head when you try and pound them causing slower drinking and more swallowing of more air resulting in bloatedness and overwhelming desire to burp.
 I had lapped most of the competition by the time and there was no way I was gonna lose.
   It seemed like each lap I was gaining 15 seconds or so on the competition and was easily done with my beer before second place arrived.
I coasted in the final lap with a total time of 6:29 (my slowest beer mile ever) but good enough for the win by about a minute. I then grabbed my camera to watch the rest of the race unfold.
Alex got second and put up a good fight.
Jamil ended up puking like his brother
but regained his strength and continued on
Tyler sprinted in for the third place finish
Nick finished a few minutes in front of his brother.
Survival runner Margaret sprinted in for first place in the woman's division
 Sean was wasted after 3 beer's and was extremely hysterical but didn't finish last

Race Director Ian Sherman came in D.F.L with a time of just under 20 mins
Is it coincidence that the two dudes (Dave James, Nick Clark) on the right would sit out from the beer mile and would later finish 2nd and 1st in the 100km?  
"So that's why I didn't the 100km? totally worth it!"
 life's too short not have a little fun
Good Times
I like to thank my sponsor the Stone Brewing Company for giving me the fuel I need to make my inebriated dreams a reality.
 That night Everybody congregated at our place once again for some Tona con Chaya.
 I even got a valentine
 and thankfully it wasn't from Tyler
(no offense dude)

Life is Good!

 Perhaps in my next blog post I may actually get to the race until then here's a bonus video of my first attempt at beer mile
 (what an idiot)