Friday, April 27, 2012

Bare Burro 5k 2012

Bare Burro 5k 2012

A year ago
I didn't know what the hell to expect  Was my junk gonna fly up and slap me across the face?
 When  exactly do you get naked? Sun Screen, how much? How often, an how long  is too long to be putiing on your nether region.

Once again I found my self running in  the Bare Burro 5k the day after Ragnar.  Last year I was in better shape and I only had to run a little over 30 miles.  This time I my body was pretty banged up I had ran 42 miles at ragnar at a faster pace not to mention running the Boston Marathon 4 days before that.

On the bright side I I did get get about 6 hours of sleep total in the last two days.  The day of the race I expected to cussing at my alarm and stumbling out of bed, but to my surprise I was up an hour early well before dawn like a kid X-mas.

Today was gonna be a good day.
 I was gonna get to "Run Free" Probably not what Caballo Blanco envisioned but he would be proud :). Would the Tarahumara ever compete in an event like this? Hell no? But I'm sure they'd be smiling at the sight of  dumb ass gringo in Huaraches leading a heard of bare ass white people up and down the trail.

Part of me is a little sad that something so simple and  liberating as running outdoors without any clothing is  taboo in our society.  I guess there is that chance that I could trip and accidentally impregnate a woman lying on the ground.?
This blog post isn't about lamenting our prudish society it's about embracing the opportunity ahead of me!

When I left my home at the beach there was a thick marine layer overhead that I could tell was not gonna burn off, but travel 60 miles in land to the Olive Dell Ranch and the forecast was 85 degrees and sunny.
Jack Ass meets Bare Ass

Its called the Bare Burro race for a reason!
Wild burro's do actually roam these hills.  about a mile before reaching the Olive Dell Ranch I pulled over to snap a photo of this sign.  As I got closer for the pic a pack of burro's across the street that I had not noticed began to scamper away

 It caught me off gaurd and thus was the best pic I could get.

Feeling like a seasoned vet I didn't have the least apprenhension about getting naked once I got to the event.  I had lathered sunscreen on nether region before leaving the house and seconds after parking my car I was wearing nothing but a smile.
I did bring a hat just in case.
You know to block the sun, like the leprechauns do when they run naked?

It was just after a 8:30 the race didn't start till 10:30.
Last year I arrived at about thesame time and got Number 3 (which sun burned into my leg).  This time I was number 26.
I thought about going for a swim but since my race number had just been painted on leg I decided to wait until after the race.

I copped a squat and watched a menagerie of people arrive in just about every shape you could imagine.  This gives sizing up the competition  a whole new meaning.   I was hoping that each new person would be a beautiful woman. (which there were a few)  but although everyone is naked it's not a sexual vibe.  Nobodies perfect and  my eye does tends to wonder from time to time. For the first few minutest it feels like your at some kind of human zoo where you are not only a patron but an exhibit. but rather quickly everything feels normal.
Almost as if we were born naked?
Fancy that!
A bunch of friend's askedme to take lots of pictures and my sister told me not to take any.
Although I did take a few
and I love to post all my pics I will respect others rights to privacy. At the race each person could sign a photo release and wear a bracelet if they wanted to protect thier idetntity.

I chose not to wear a braclet so that if/when I run for president pictures of my gentetalia don't hit the tabloids till I need some extra votes last second.

As I sat around waiting for the race to begin, numerous people congratulated me on my win last year and asked if I was gonna do it again.
"All I can do is my best and that's good enough for me if someone else is faster, good for them."

Last year I had wanted to run barefoot but realizing the trail was pretty rocky I wore a pair of Original Luna Sandals they made me fast but supplied nearly no grip on the steep downhills. Lucky for me I had a sizable lead and was able to sacrifice some time by slowing down and staying somewhat under control on my way to victory.

This time I had on my beefed up Luna Leadcat Sandals.  By comparison it felt like I had tank tread on the bottom of my feet.  There would be not need for slowing down this year.

About a half hour till race time up strolled my friend Eric Cliffton (a dude who's won Badwater and ran 50 miles in 5:46)  He's much better runner than I am  but because he has a few years on me I should be faster in a race this short.  Last year he also ran in the Bare Burro after doing Ragnar but this time he had fresh legs and would probably put up a good fight.  He's a good dude and I was stoked to have some friendly competition.

Time to race
Once again they bunched us together like a package of hotdogs. I lined up near the front but not quite in the first row since some photos were being snapped.

The course starts out zig zagging around the resort on course gravel road.

Up and down a buch small hills and tailer homes of happy naked people who stood outside cheering us on.

Last year it took me longer than expected to take the lead.  Some People may be perfectly content staring up the crack of the dude in front of them but not me.  With in the first few hundred feet I took the lead and I was gonna do my damdest to hold on.
Once you get out of the naked village it's pretty much 90% climbing to the midpoint of the course with around 875 feet of gain which is pretty substantial for a 5k
(300  feet more gain than in the entire Boston Marathon).

As I climbed higher and higher I could tell my lead was growing but it wasn't coming easy the weather was   scorching and I was breathing pretty heavy.  If it were an ultra I'd be walking these hills not sprinting them, but this was a measly 5k.  The agony would only last a few minutes and then I'd be flying down hill and into the pool in no time.
View from the top after the race.

By the midway point 2nd place was nowhere to be seen.
Once you reach the top the course veer's off in another direction for 1/3 mile before doubling back on the trail we ran up on.  It was time to let gravity do it's work.  Running back down to the finish line is my favorite part because you get to pass all the naked people still climbing.  I ran with a smile and got a ton of words of encouragement.  By the time I got to the 2.1 mile mark most people were just finishing their first one.

Once again this was my race to win 
that I did.

The course was a changed a little this year and I wasn't able to break last years course record but to tell you the truth I felt much faster this year and ran a better race. About 2 minutes or so after I crossed the line down came the second place finisher and the a minute after that came my buddy Eric.  But it turns out the second place dude cut the course on accident so Eric should and would have finished second.

For the next half hour I had great fun rooting on the rest of the finishers as they flopped and dangled their way across the finish line.

Unfortunately all the pretty girls were too shy to have their picture taken so you get to look at Eric I proudly displaying our awards
(lucky you)

Life is good!

After sitting around at the pool for awhile I decided to go run the course again but this time I would do it Barefoot albeit at a very leisurely pace.  I don't get to run naked that often so I might as well take advantage of this opportunity right?

Although the gravel road was pretty much torture on my feet  some of the course did feel quite enjoyable.

Soft sand My favorite.

top of the hill with commentary you can barely hear because of the wind.
(don't bother trying to listen unless you are really board)
My soul was filled with delight I was running on fumes and could barely keep my eyes.
open as my run turned into  a peaceful walk.

Thank you to  the Olive Dell Ranch for putting on such an awesome event!  I highly recommend the race, and it's also a great place to spend the day.  They have at least a few miles of trail to explore, the weather is usually sunny and the beers are $1.75.

If you are interested in heading out there I can probably score a free pass or two for some of readers.  If you ever get the chance to truly run free
don't pass it up.

Life is too short not embrace who and what you are!

"I hope to see you all  there next year."
Should I say

"I hope to see ALL of you there next year."



  1. I have to admit that Go Pat go sign picked my attention. Also It sounds amazing to travel by "Burros".

  2. I'm doing this run next weekend, and I can't wait to "run free" with the Donkeys! Woohoo!!!