Wednesday, July 16, 2014

2014 Hermosa Beach Ironman, Run a mile, Paddle a mile, Chug a six pack

Time to strap on you stars and stripes bikini, blow off you hand with an m-80, drink a six pack of beer and puke on your friends.
Time to celebrate our independence!
Time for the
Hermosa Beach Ironman

In the early 1990s, owners of the Ironman trade name attempted to serve a cease and desist letter to organizers of the Hermosa Beach 4th of July Ironman. They failed because they couldn’t find the organizers.- Easy Reader
40th Anniversary 
Run a Mile Paddle a Mile Drink a six pack.
(way easier than a Beer Half marathon right?)

I have a good history with this event but never an official 1st place finish.
Each year the field gets bigger but even without a tattoo that says "South Bay" I remain a serious threat to win.
Each passing year that means I've had one more day of training paddling on my surf turd (an 8 foot water logged brown foam surfboard I found on the side of my dads house a decade ago)  I now been been on a surfboard exactly 6 times in 6 years always n July 4th
My opinion about training for this event has not wavered.
"If you have to train you don't deserve to win."
(I'm pretty freaking stubborn)
The event is held at Longfellow avenue   Between 200-300 a year I start my run here it's also where I swim in the ocean to cool off. You would think this give me a home field advantage
I still feel like Bruce Banner  
drifting along
-Que in sad lonely music-
How depressing
(shamelessly trying to score sympathy points)
 Before the race I found this shovel and gave it to some kid.
(Shamelessly trying to score Karma points)

Time to go find my judge.
The event was supposed to start in less than 10 minutes at 8:00 a.m.  There were over 500 competitors.  Each judge was responsible for 10 or so runners and were instructed to hold a balloon with their number on it.
I wasn't sure if I was I was in the elite group or not.  My friend Annie Seawright  the perennial favorite in the woman's division.  Had signed me up. I knew I was in her group I couldn't find my judge but I found Annie. It turns out I was in the elite group after all.

Our Judge was Annie's friend and with about 2 minutes till the Star Spangled Banner was sung we found her. "Phew"
She wasn't holding her balloon up because she said she didn't have to.  How stupid is that? If I hadn't found Annie I would have been screwed!
As the National Anthem began we the crowd began to congregate near the water.
"Home of the Brave!"
 We were off at quite a fast pace.  It's only a mile run there's a bunch of testosterone going around and we were doing about a 5min mile for the first few 100 yards.
If your trying to win the event it's good to stay near the front but being first in the run actually hurts your chances more than in helps.  If you read my post from last year  one of the keys to winning is strategic shortcuts. You want to place your surfboard as far North as possible so that you don't have to paddle or run as far.

If your the first one back people are gonna see and then try to enter the water farther North.  There Is an art to cheating in this event.

Out of the 500 or so competitors I was about the 15th to get to my surfturd.  I took a good angle down to the water and started paddling North in fairly shallow water with only about 5 or so people  in front of me.

 God's gift to paddling I am not!  I was trying harder than most and was making decent progress but was out of my league against dudes that do this everyday for fun.

I kept my eyes out for past winners I was happy with my effort but by the halfway point I was past by all three that beat me last year. This meant they would probably have a a 2 to 3 minute lead by the time I got to my beers
Natural Light my favorite, Yeah Right!
Time to Chug
You would rather look at this than me anyway.
By the time I got to my beers the leader was finishing his sixth beer.  I had a goal of sub three minutes. I knew I had lost again.  My beers went down easier than ever without trying I finished my six pack in two 2:43 
(fastest time in my group)
But that was only good enough for 4th place.

My finishing time was 20 minutes flat.  It was a fast year and I was proud of my efforts.  A few years a ago 22 minutes could win this event but not anymore.
(Most people finish between 30 and 40 minutes.)
About a minute after i finished my sixth beer I grabbed my camera and a 7th beer
I didn't care that I lost.  I had six pack in my belly.
time to have some fun
She did great in the doggie paddle but was Disqualified after puking.
Speaking of puking.
Is was pretty tame year

Winner of the woman's race was?
Maybe next year?
Maybe in the first Ironman 40 years ago?
Congrats to Annie Seawright Again on her 12th win!
I heard she won her won her first one when she was 8 years old?

Time for a mosh pit

 No lines at the bathroom.

Each year the event is held a little earlier and the Police try to hurry things up. It's actually pretty cool that they have let this event exist for 40 YEARS!  While I was dicking around  in the water they hurriedly crowned the winner.
(I didn't really care who won!)
I was informed by multiple time champion Chris Brown. That for the first time iin the last decade at least they gave the outright win to someone not from elite Group.
In years past I have whined because this was not allowed.
The Easy Reader reports that the winner (a Competitive paddler and swimmer) took 4:37 to drink his beers and finished in a Ironman world record setting
  3:39 faster than second place and almost 6 minutes faster than last years winning time.
That leaves 10 mins and 1 second to run a mile and paddle a mile.
Sounds a little bit suspect to me
But it's about time the elite group got screwed over for once.
Time for some Pennywise
Happy 4th of July
By 10 A.M. the event was over the cans were cleaned up and I had drank over 8 beers. While some went off to go party, some back to sleep, and some to puke.

I took off on a 10 mile soft sand run because that's what I do.
 then I partied .

1 comment:

  1. Hey Man,

    I've been reading your blog for a while and I was wondering if you knew of any running sandals that have an incline to them? I have some seriously tight calves which caused me some plantar faciitis in my right foot and chronically pained right calf that's still bothering me after 6 months.

    I've had some success with tevas and they keep my feet super cool but they're really squishy and chocos are heavy as hell. Keens have too much stuff on them and lunas have no incline. Barefoot'ish running without fail causes my right calf to flare up so I've been looking for something that ticks all the boxes.

    I know you run in your lunas but have you maybe seen something that other people ever talk about?

    Thanks a bunch, Mr. Awesome runner sweeney dude