Friday, July 2, 2010

Hermosa Iron Man Review and Preview

This blog has become way to consumed with racing. It's about time to give in to the Dionysian principle.

Hermosa Ironman

Breaking News: Just got in on an early sign up for 2010, I'm being placed in a group of past winners and elite competitors.  May the best man win

 The race takes place every year on the forth of July around 11 a.m on the beach. It consists of three parts. First all compettitors must run 1mile on the beach on a there and back course. Upon returning from the run participants must get on their surfboard and paddle the same there and back direction to a buoy or a designated surfer. Once completing the paddle racers must return to their starting positions and pound a six pack of beer in front of their preassigned judge. Everyone must bring their own beer, it can be of any variety and must come in a can.  Beers may not be shotgunned or beer bonged. After finishing each beer (without excess spilling) empty cans must be showed to each judge so they can keep track of progress. During and after finishing the six pack puking or going to the bathroom are ground's for automatic dissqualification.  Comperitor's must pass a 20 minute grace period before they are allowed to relieve themselves in any way they seem fit.

2008 I competed in my first Hermosa Ironman, It seemed like fun way to get the day started. I was not concerned about winning. I just wanted to have a good time. Not really understanding how the race worked I kind of just went with the flow. I brought a crappy foam surfboard (the only one I owned and still own) and about 10 Natural lights to the beach with me. I was competing with 2 old friends from Pre-school yes Pre-school, Tony Morberg and Justin Dilg. We started off running together . I wanted to go fast but there were beautiful girls in bikini's also competing, a couple of them were running in front of me. Did I really want to pass them that bad? Of course not! The paddle was more grueling than I expected, it was my first time on a surf board in years. I was paddleing with my buddy Justin who is an L.A county lifeguard. I was keeping up with him  and we had lost Tony. Justin was probally dogging it a bit but was happy to be along his side. We finished the paddle and I was pretty tired and thirsty by the time we got to the beers. I had never pounded a six pack before but I am notorios for being a fast drinker and thought I would do well. My guess is that about 20 percent of the people end up puking and the majority of competitors take anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. I was in the zone, I actually enjoyed pounding the first 4 the next 2 were all about focus and went down rather easy.   I finished my six pack in about 4:30 and felt great. Nobody around me was even close to finishing. There was a television crew from Hd Nets show Art Mann Presents filming the event. MY judge was talking with Art Mann and giving me props.
Transcrips from the show titled Run Paddle Vomit :
HAS ANYONE VOMITED YET? UHH OVER THERE NO HAVE YOU GUYS THOUGH? NO WE KEEP IT DOWN. WHAT NUMBER IS THAT? THIS IS SIX I SPOKE TO SOON HE'S GOT LIKE TWO MORE MINUTES. I KNOW HE'S GONNA WIN LOOK AT THIS GUY HE IS AN ULTRA MARATHON RUNNER. IT TOOK HIM FOUR MIN TO DRINK SIX BEERS. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET. I RAN A HUNDRED MILES THREE WEEKS AGO. BUT POUNDING BEERS OUT SIDE ANGELS STADIUM CAUSE I DON'T WANNA PAY THE EIGHT BUCKS OF FOR A BEER. HAS TAUGHT ME WELL.

The Art Mann show is all about people being drunk and doing stupid things.  While watching the show you can't help but wonder "Why anyone would want to be on T.V. looking like such a dumb ass?" When the opportunity presented itself I couldn't resist.
.  " Ah Sweet Sweet Libations."
My preschool buddies and I were having a good time time. We got interviewed and were justfully drunk and obnoxious. The winner from the year before came by and congratulated me I had beaten him and many around us thought I had won.  There are anywhere from 30 to 50 judges ecah overseing about 4 to 8 competitors.  Each carries a watch and marks down the ending time of each finisher.  Eventually all the times are conglomerated together and the top 10 finishers are announced in a descending order.  I really did not think I had won but I got to admit I was a little nervous.  Sadly My name came up at 7th place.  Respectable but not good enough.
video
National anthem

Beer Can Angel

Clip from Art Mann 2008



 After the 08 Ironman I planned on training for the paddle portion of the event for 2009  Where I really needed to make up some time. But the more I thought about it the more I came to the conclusion that physical training goes against the spirit of the event. I wanted to see what I was made of, not make myself into somthing I'm not. This year however I would not be riding my crappy foam board. My buddy Justin got a hold 11 foot plus bahemeth of a long board.  Once again I decided to with Natural light as my beer.  About 20 minutes before the race are judge was nowhere to be found.  As the race got closer and closer, still no judge.  Eventually we paired up with another judge may have ended up costing me the race. I planned on taking the lead during the running portion of the event  but fell victum to the pretty girl's in front of me (damn labido).  My run was faster than the year but not what it should have been.  By the time I got in the water about 20 or people had already begun paddling.  I was way of front of Tony and Justin and was hoping the giant board would improve my paddling time.  I had not been on a surfboard for since last year and it showed in my paddling.  I was giving it my best effort but still getting past by a lot of people.  My guess is that at least 75% of the competitors surf on regular basis. (not me)  On the way back I saw Dilg fly passed me riding my crappy foam board.  When I finally finished the paddle about 40 or so people had already began drinking.  I was hoping to be in a better position but at least I was on a better pace than last year.  "Ought oh where are my beers?" I went to where they were but they were gone.  Dilg saw me floudering around and called me over to a new spot.  It seems are judge had finally arrived, I using up valuable time and needed to start drinking.  Once again I found my groove.  I got the first four down in about 3 minutes and it only took about another minute to finish the final 2.  By this time only about 1/2 the people had finished their paddle,  Lot's people were just getting to their beers including by buddy Tony who was proud to see me finished already. When I looked around Nobody was even close to being done.  Had I actually won the event this year?
Tony and Justin giving me a pep talk before the race.
My Judges were proud But was my time good enough?
It was that time again to announce the top ten.  This time I knew I had serious chance at the tittle.  Time was going by very slow as each name called my chances increased.  Did I get fourth? Nope.  Did  I get third? Nope. The moment of truth had arrived had I won?  Nope, Doh.  Second place.  I was proud of myself but know I could have done better.  Oh well it was the 4th of July I had a good buzz going  and theere were beautiful women everywhere.  What better way to be celebrating this great country of ours.


Annie Seawright the female winner being floated over the crowd
Celebratory Mosh pit


When drinking a six pack of beer in under 5minutes wether it has alcohol or not makes no difference.  Carbination is your enemy. It's no different than dring sparkiling water. The first three or four go down quick.  It's all about opening up your throat pouring it town and getting the carbonation out of your system.  The reason people puke is the foam.  If you go to fast, it will find it's way back out.  As for the alcohol  it's not your conventional beer buzz.  It feels more like you just took three or four shots of tequila.  It's pretty fun knowing that 500 or so people around you have all just drank a six pack of beer and it isn't even noon yet.


Last Sunday I decided to test my drinking abilities.  My legs were a little beat up from my race and beach run the day before.  I headed to the  El Dorado Disc Golf Course with 24 beers in hand.  The plan was to go for a run get my heart beating and then challenge a local drunkard to a drinking contest.  Sadly nobody was up for the challenge but me. I ended up running about a 10k barefoot and finishing the beers in about 56 minutes

Garmin run
Instant Beer belly in under 5 minutes, 5beers down battling the sixth

Drinking stats. I wanted to finish my six pack of beer in a sub 4:30. here are my splits. Beer 1= :22 Beer 2= :34 Beer 3= :30 Beer 4= :38 Beer 5= :45 Beer 6 :1:25 . I think a perfect time is around 3:30 I had the potential to achieve that time but couldn't get my burps out efficiently enough. My finishing time was 4:16. not bad but far from perfect






Sign ups for the 2010 Iron Man are at the Underground Saturday the 3rd from 2p.m to 6p.m.  This is the first year they have had people sign up the day before hopefully this means I will have judge before the race starts.  My plan for this year is to be in first after the running portion although this may mean I need to run with my eyes closed so that I do not get distracted by stars and striped bikini's.  I will paddle hard drink fast and make my country proud. Time to find out what I made of!

Coming late this summer
Gluttony, Alcoholism and Endurance square off.

Bourbon Feet presents. The Decathlon
10 Beers, 10 Taco's 10 Miles 100 minutes
Hermosa Ironman
Was just the beginning!


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